Is Love a Preference?

Who and what dictates who you fall in love with?

I have heard comments such as:- “Why she’s dating that guy?” “How could someone so handsome be with an ugly girl like that.” “I don’t know what he/she sees in him/her?” “She’s so beautiful to be with him.” And more, but I will not bore you with them.

Seriously, the person is not some deranged, psycho lunatic. Not some woman/man abuser. Not some slime, two-timer. Does not carry on like he/she dropped from out of space or somewhere and has no inkling of any manners. Well I cannot be sure if aliens have manners or not, or that they even exist. Ah well, sorry Mulder.

But love does not come with a mandate of who you should fall in love with. It does not state that opposite cannot attract. It does not dictate, right?

To all a lovely weekend. 🙂


5 responses to “Is Love a Preference?

  1. I think that you are attracted to those who can best fulfill some lesson you have to learn. You will get exactly what you need to face something in yourself. Note the people who over and over again pick shallow, selfish bad boys…why does that happen? If you cultivate self-worth in yourself..perhaps someone more worthy will be attracted. It could happen like that…

  2. I remember reading a short story by John Cheever; the name escapes me now, where the woman in the story chose men that she had some influence over.

    Read a psychology book a few years ago that said some women chose men that were like their alcoholic fathers in order to a) try to change them and/or b) that was the only kind of love they knew.

    John Mayer’s song Daughters comes to mind.

  3. I am a testament to the idea that we end up with men like our fathers. My father was a self-centered alcoholic–very disconnected from his family…when I married my husband, who was very devoted to his spiritual life…I thought, he’s nothing like my father…no drinking…was interested in the same path that I was interested in, etc. Turns out he was a narcissistic, self-centered man too. Maybe that study was right…that’s the only kind of “love” that I knew. I wonder, would I choose someone like Dad again…or have I learned my lesson?

    Fathers be good to your daughters… That has such far reaching implications…we daughters go on to become mothers who raise the next generation…we want daughters treated with the utmost love and respect. Of course sons too… (This hit a nerve!) 🙂

  4. Some stop the cycle and find someone completely opposite, while others continue break up and abuse after break up and abuse. What does, or rather, what will it take for someone to realize what the true meaning of love is. Where does one look for it if he/she is getting the wrong impression of it at home? Or if the right impression of it is at home but he/she is getting the wrong impression from someplace else. Some are very impressionable.

    It’s not the age, some young people know more about the correct way to love than older people; it’s what we learn, what we keep, or rather, want to keep. It’s having the power of discernment. It’s analyzing relationships, not only the romantic ones, and knowing who you are. Questioning what it is you want out of love. Whether it’s abuse or someone who knows how to treat another human being and him/her self.

    It’s communication and finding out facts, but also truths. It’s about not only following your heart, but also your mind. It’s listening. If you say that you love someone, but . . . What comes behind that but, a simple thing like he/she doesn’t eat meat, or a large thing like he smokes and you’re not into that, is very important. It’s knowing exactly what you want in a mate for the first time or the next time after the first one didn’t work out. It’s about experiences, and they don’t have to necessarily be your own.

    I’ve been reading your blog, and it shows me that a third time will not be a strike out for you. First your dad, then marrying someone like him, and if there’s a third, I believe you’ve grown. 🙂

  5. I think I’ve grown too and thanks for that validation by the way! 🙂 The key is to really pay attention to behaviors and what people say and do…their actions. You know that saying…actions speak louder than words. My ex was a very “wordy” man…in fact, so was my Dad…not in the communicating “with you” way but the “at you” way. No fun.

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