Tag Archives: Collection Plates

Can I get a . . .

I want to thank everyone for coming this morning. I’ve been speaking out against all kinds of vices, such as greed; oh Lord let them fill those collection plates; I need to get some more expensive suits; and adultery; sweet Jesus, please don’t let anyone know that I’m having an affair.

This book, the Bible, which I go against from time to time, is the authoritative word of God. I speak truth; well not all of it, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, from this pulpit. I give honor to God, and some politicians, celebrities, the high class, etc., and to no man or woman.

He loves all people. Don’t mind other folks, like those who faithfully follow his word and are trying to do the right things; you just trust him, and he’ll make you rich. What’s up with the po’ folks? Expect only good things from him; I know that’s not in the Bible, but shh. Can I get a amen? This is your pastor, preacher and teacher, gosh I hope I’m loking fly. Now let’s pray. I believe in him; don’t mind me denying him with my lifestyle; and I love him. Hallelujah. Did they get that?