Tag Archives: Family

We Are Not “Family”

There are dysfunctional families. There are dysfunctional functional families. There are good families. There are good families with bad moments. I belong to the second group which sometimes lapse into the first group.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day–I am not in love. Not romantically. I love my family and it is they who sometimes have me questioning the meaning of that word.

What is a family? What does it mean to have one? Should all be alike?

I remember reading Jane Howard’s essay, All Happy Clans Are Alike, In Search of the Good Family. The opening lines go like this:- “Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. You need one because you are human. You didn’t come from nowhere.”

Yes, we all need one, but are we happy with the ones we have? In her piece, she also hinted that not only blood relatives can make up a family, sometimes those that are not related by blood make up the better ones.

I do not agree that all families should be alike. I am not ignorant of the fact that each one has its own problems and situations. Not high and mighty to think that we ourselves sometimes are not the reasons for conflicts within them. Not living on a cloud where disappointments will not happen. Not foolish to think that it is always bad, sad, or unhappy.

But to think of the ones where love is absent and anger is constantly present, even when living far apart, is not what I consider units, not a wholesome body. Maybe I am wrong, just maybe . . .

“Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.” Ruth E. Renkel 🙂

By the way, I really loved her essay. She listed ten definitions of what a good family should be. You are free to disagree.

1) Good families have someone around whom others cluster and who sets an example.

2) Good families have someone who cannot help but keep track of what all the others are up to. This role is assumed rather than assigned.

3) Good  families are much to all members, but everything to none. Good families are fortresses with many windows and doors to the outer world.

4) Good families are hospitable.

5) Good families deal squarely with direness.

6) Good families prize their rituals. A clan becomes more of a clan each time it gathers to observe a fixed ritual (Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and so on)

7) Good families are affectionate. This of course is a matter of style.

8) Good families have a sense of place, which these days is not achieved easily.

9) Good families, not just the blood kind, find some way to connect with posterity.

10) Good families also honor their elders.


Be My Escape

Where do you go when you need to get away from an overwhelming situation?

What do you turn to when you need a time out, a break from something that is zapping your energy and happiness?

Are drugs, alcohol, overeating and sex  just a few of the negative things that some people turn to when they are trying to “escape”?

Are family, friends, God, a new or old hobby  just some of the positive things that others turn to when they are trying to “escape”?

I am a collector of quotes. I write down those that I find interesting. I saw this one: “Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.” Aldous Huxley

Couple that with an article I read about a mother who did something illegal in order for her child to escape the poverty that they were living in and you will have the reasons behind this post.

Some are hurting, others were hurt by whatever circumstances that they faced. Some in order to escape, created a deeper “hell” than the ones that they were trying to get away from. Others sank deeper not knowing how to get away. Others got away.

What about you? Who or what do you turn to when you need a moment?

“My life is an open book, but don’t expect me to read it to you.” David Hyde Pearce 🙂

Your life . . .

is worth how much to






And now this :-

From a father, Joshua Wooden, to a son, John Wooden, upon his graduation from Grammar School.

Be True To Yourself

Make Each Day Your Masterpiece

Help Others

Drink Deeply From Good Books, Especially The Bible

Make Friendship A Fine Art

Build A Shelter Against A Rainy Day

Pray For Guidance and Give Thanks For Your Blessings Every Day. 🙂

Facts vs Truth

Girl A promotes abstinence but loses her virginity. Girl B, who does not like her, spreads that piece of information. That was a fact, but girl B also knows another piece of info. Girl A was raped, thus the reason for not being a virgin anymore.

Boy A likes to borrow money from people. Boy B, who is his friend, tells another person this who asks him about it. He acknowledges that it is a fact. The person decides not to lend Boy A the money. Boy B knows that Boy A always pays the money back, but he withholds this piece of info.

Two sets of facts, and two sets of truths. Sometimes some people have and know the facts, but not the truth. When this important element of a story is hidden, skewed, played down, agendas, lies, propaganda, intents and/or whatever you want to label it, is promoted.

We get it from governments, the news, have you seen some of the headlines, various entertainment outlets, family, friends, lovers, enemies, religious figures, the authorities, and yes, perhaps you and me. We have to make the conscience effort to have and know the facts, and then, not to retain the truth, should not we?

But what if there is a really, really good reason, not excuse, for wanting to keep the truth? Is there ever a good time to do so?

Persona non grata

“Some cause happiness WHEREVER they go, others WHENEVER they go.” Oscar Wilde

What to do, how to feel when you cannot stand the sight of a certain person? When his or her presence makes you feel uncomfortable; when you do not want them around for whatever reason (some trivial and some serious)?

And what would you do or how would you feel if others did not want you around?

In both cases, I am not talking about strangers, but family and friends. People that I guess  should want you to be there, should want you to exist in their presence.

But life takes an ugly turn sometimes, and those that some thought loved them, seemed to hate them. The sign now says, “Unwelcome.”

Should finding new friends be an option? Creating new “family members”? Trying to figure out and solving the reason(s) behind being left out?

No one wants to feel unwelcome . . . right?